Thank God for God

So, I had that meeting with my attorney today. I really like her. She is smart and good hearted. She is a mom that is very understanding of my dilemma as she is remarried with a six year old son as well. We discussed all of my concerns. She made lots of notes and seemed shocked at some of the information. She asked lots of questions and gave me best and worse case scenarios. She suggested a few different options that would help us win. We seem to have a really strong case already with just the information I gave her. She didn't seem worried at all.

The last question I asked was for a cost estimation. I just wanted to be aware so we could plan accordingly and make arrangements. She explained to me her retainer amount and how far that would get us. She explained the fees of any expert witnesses we may need. She then summed it up by saying TEN MILLION DOLLARS. (ok, it wasn't that much but it might as well have been as they are both completely out of reach) Inside I was dying. However, my pride stopped me from reacting too much and I just nodded. I really wasn't expecting that. When I left I called Adam. He asked how it went and all I could get out was "Where are you? I really need you to hold me."

My son is worth all the money in the world. Don't get me wrong. I would give my life for that kid. He means the world to me. I just don't know how we are going to come up with that kind of money. And I'm mad. Ooooh, I'm mad. I'm mad that I have to pay because his dad can't be a good parent. I'm mad that I have to pay to get what is best for Aidan. I'm mad that I can't buy a new truck for my adoring husband who loves this family more than anything because I have to pay an attorney to explain to a judge that six year old children need structure, bed times and to go to school. And a woman scorned is one thing, but a Flanagan scorned, that is another all together.

I am disheartened. I feel defeated. I have cried about it all day. So now, I will pray. I will pray and God will show me what to do and how to do it. See, He loves Aidan more than I do. He wants what is best for him too. He will provide the answer and the solution. I am so glad I have Him in my life. I am so glad Aidan has Him. Thank God for God.