Thursday, July 30, 2009

Thank God for God

So, I had that meeting with my attorney today. I really like her. She is smart and good hearted. She is a mom that is very understanding of my dilemma as she is remarried with a six year old son as well. We discussed all of my concerns. She made lots of notes and seemed shocked at some of the information. She asked lots of questions and gave me best and worse case scenarios. She suggested a few different options that would help us win. We seem to have a really strong case already with just the information I gave her. She didn't seem worried at all.

The last question I asked was for a cost estimation. I just wanted to be aware so we could plan accordingly and make arrangements. She explained to me her retainer amount and how far that would get us. She explained the fees of any expert witnesses we may need. She then summed it up by saying TEN MILLION DOLLARS. (ok, it wasn't that much but it might as well have been as they are both completely out of reach) Inside I was dying. However, my pride stopped me from reacting too much and I just nodded. I really wasn't expecting that. When I left I called Adam. He asked how it went and all I could get out was "Where are you? I really need you to hold me."

My son is worth all the money in the world. Don't get me wrong. I would give my life for that kid. He means the world to me. I just don't know how we are going to come up with that kind of money. And I'm mad. Ooooh, I'm mad. I'm mad that I have to pay because his dad can't be a good parent. I'm mad that I have to pay to get what is best for Aidan. I'm mad that I can't buy a new truck for my adoring husband who loves this family more than anything because I have to pay an attorney to explain to a judge that six year old children need structure, bed times and to go to school. And a woman scorned is one thing, but a Flanagan scorned, that is another all together.

I am disheartened. I feel defeated. I have cried about it all day. So now, I will pray. I will pray and God will show me what to do and how to do it. See, He loves Aidan more than I do. He wants what is best for him too. He will provide the answer and the solution. I am so glad I have Him in my life. I am so glad Aidan has Him. Thank God for God.

10 Things Thursday

10 Drinks I Love

1. Sweet tea. Delicious, anytime, anywhere.

2. Coke, not Pepsi and definitely not diet.

3. Hornsby's hard apple cider. The best hot tub drink. Fell in love while sharing this drink.

4. Starbucks Iced chai. Gave a friend a ride home from the gorge & he ordered it and then fell asleep. I had my first taste & I think he woke up to an empty cup. hee hee

5. Cherry Slurpee, no other flavor will do & it must be from 7-11.

6. Lava Flow. 1st trip to Hawaii with Calista. Pina Colada with strawberry. Better without the liquor.

7. Cosmo, my usual. Best one ever is served at Portland City Grill. Mmmm

8. Berry blossom tea. Warm & delightful.

9. Hot chocolate, sometimes with vanilla.

10. Water, learning to love it. The colder, the better.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Random Ramblings

I am on the fourth and final book of the Twilight series and I am only on page 47. I'm not reading it because I don't want it to be over. Is that crazy???

Have an appointment with my attorney tomorrow about custody of my son. Not looking forward to all of this but it must be done. Should have been done a long time ago.

Also have lunch with a girlfriend and a pedi with another girlfriend. A great opportunity to discuss said appointment and take my mind off of those things for a while. And then the hubby has a softball game. That will be a perfect way to end the day. I love to watch him play. And he always hits a homer for me.

My girlfriend that does my hair, and Aidan's hair and Adam's hair is having a baby in August. Yikes! I need to get in and get some beautification before she is gone for months.

I was going to try and do an experiment for 20 days in August. Spend no money. None. None at all. Decided it isn't going to work. Adam's birthday is on the 12th and my besty is coming in to town and all of us girls have an outdoor movie date. Plus as previously mentioned...I need to get my hair done. So...not going to work. But maybe in September. And maybe it should start out as 10 days.

I pitted and froze the cherries that I had picked the other day. I felt so proud and actually it was a lot of fun. Plus, that cherry cobbler will be even that more delicious knowing that I did it all from start to finish.

My sister is having a yard sale this weekend. I'm taking my junk (which is someones treasure) up there. I do have some big stuff, furniture, baby stroller, you know the stuff that brings the money. Wish me luck.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Armageddon with no Bruce Willis

We had a wicked storm last night. I love myself a summer storm. Usually. I was woke up by the continuous thunder. And by continuous thunder I don't mean a thunder strike every few moments. I mean continuous rolling thunder . I counted twenty four seconds on one of them. I know, right? It thundered for twenty four seconds straight. And the lightning lit up the entire sky for long enough to match the thunder. I have never in my thirty years witnessed a storm like this. Which is probably why I thought it was the second coming. Seriously. I woke up frightened to the core. I was rendered motionless. I was frozen. I thought for a moment of the Left Behind movie. Which for the record only made it worse. Because I was still here. At that moment I pictured both of my babies gone, along with my parents. Adam still laid asleep beside me so he apparently wasn't good enough to make the first round either. I just kept listening to the thunder and watching the lightning. And then I started wondering who else would be left with me. Who else was just not good enough to go. Who else had to endure the next few years of turmoil with me. And then it hit me. Perhaps that is why I was still left here...just call me little miss judgey judgerton. Oh no. I wasn't trying to be judgey. I was trying to figure out who I should call. Who I would surround myself with. I fell asleep trying to devise a plan only to be suddenly woke again by the loud rolling thunder. I jumped and woke up Adam with a four letter word that rhymes with sit. Which might also be the reason I'm still here...potty mouth. Dang! Adam questioned me and my surprising vulgar wake up call. I explained the thunder, the lightning and my thought of Armageddon. He laughed quietly, grabbed me and rolled me toward him. This calmed me enough to sleep and when I woke this morning I found my innocent and beautiful daughter smiling beside me where Adam had just placed her. Ahhhh, it was just a summer thunder storm and nothing else.

Monday, July 27, 2009

Not Me Monday

I have rolled my eyes at the mention of Twilight for the last few years. I ridiculed my friends, my sister and all the crazy fans of this silly vampire book. I finally give in and read it for a quick and easy beach read. I then, of course, did not proceed to fall madly in love with the first book and finish it one day. And then I did not read the second book the very next day. I am not working on the third book and the only reason it isn't finished is because I think my sweet husband was feeling a little neglected.

I did not do a load of whites and find that I own more wife beaters than any self respecting person.

I did not pack my sons bag for his trip to the coast with my parents and sneak in a little treat with a love note. I'm sure he will be more excited about the treat than the note but I just wanted him to know I was thinking of him.

I did not "help" clean out the garage by mostly sitting and looking through old boxes of my stuff. I found my son's baby book, craft projects to be done, books, pictures and a TON of stuff to yard sale. Regardless of the work I didn't do my husband loved just having me out there. We laughed and talked and who do you know can have so much fun while doing that chore?

I did not wait three weeks to take our feather bed to the dry cleaners. I finally took it last week. I have known the owners for years and they are great people. So when the husband called me and told me he wanted to completely wash it instead of spot clean it, I immediately agreed. And when I went to pick it up I was grateful that they gave us a discount. It was only after I got it home and we put it back on the bed and then laid down we realized the discount wasn't because they loved was because the stuffing was all balled up and they couldn't get it back to normal. It is lumpy and bumpy and not fluffy and feathery anymore. Dang!

Sunday, July 26, 2009

Plan Schman

Things I had planned to do today...

Freeze some cherries
Clean out kitchen
Take a nap
Hang pictures in entry way
Make delicious dinner
Pick some rhubarb

What I actually did...

Read the third book in the Twilight series
Painted my daughters toe nails for the first time
Took a nap
Laundry out six ain't bad

Saturday, July 25, 2009

Farmers Market

We just got home from our local farmers market. I love it there. Even if I don't buy anything*. It is shaded and cool. It is colorful and lively. There is live music playing from the small stage. There are friendly community people everywhere. There are fresh herbs, flowers. There is delicious salsa and salmon. Handmade goodies for your home, your body and your backyard. You run into friends. You run into strangers that somehow quickly become friends. Plus you also get to support your town. Support the local growers and crafters. There is absolutely no reason under the sun (or shade) not to.

*Wish List
Herb Pot (um, my herbs didn't so much grow. at all)
Taco Chic Salsa (have some in my fridge right now)
Hand painted signs
Fresh home made bread
Leaf bird bath
White double Adirondack chair

Friday, July 24, 2009


These are the cherries I picked today. Delicious. We have some friends that have cherry trees and raspberry plants. We went up there today so Adam could mow the lawn and I got some fresh fruit out of the deal. Yeah!! These friends are the most kind and giving people I know. Oh and they both make me laugh. I love to laugh. It is always nice to see them. But it was also so nice to be up there today. That is where Adam and I got married. In their backyard. It is beautiful.

I put a blanket down in the grass for Abby to play and I walked over to the cherry trees. When I turned around to check on her I could see my wedding like a movie. I could see the white chairs, I could see my family and friends. I could see my son walking me down the aisle. I could see my sweet husband and our first kiss as husband and wife. I could see my best friend taking pictures and the tables where we had our reception. I saw pink cupcakes and pink flowers and pink candles. And then I saw my sweet husband mowing the grass right through my memory. He looked up and smiled at me. I love him more today than I did that day. Our anniversary is just next week which might be why it hit me today while we were there. I'm glad it did. It was a wonderful day. My wedding day and today.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

10 Things Thursday

10 last movies I watched/books I read

1. Rachel Getting Married
Not so good. Long and weird scenes that seemed unnecessary and just like time fillers. Got bored, cleaned my room and walked Abby around the house while it played in my room.

2. New Moon
Read it in one day. Second in the Twilight series...delicious. Team Edward? Team Jacob? How does one choose.

3. Twilight
Finally gave in to the crazy Twilight mania. Fell in love and finished within one day.

4. Gran Torino
Clint Eastwood used his Dirty Harry voice more than once. Acting was horrible. Language was also horrible. Adam said it was a good story. Good overcomes. Whatev. Read Twilight while it was on.

5. Shadow of the Wind
Delightful reading about a boy and a book. Put it on your summer reading list. Was a gift from my besty and she is a great judge of books, not so much movies. (she liked Gran Torino)

6. Night at the Museum 2
Took the fam to an afternoon showing. We all laughed and have been quoting parts since then. Sack in the box. Cinco de Mayo. It's Brunden. Hilarious.

7. He's Just Not That Into You
Been waiting to see this. Finally got a chance. Soooo many famous people. Wow. How did they get them all together. Cute movie. I can't help but adoring Jennifer Aniston.

8. Taken
Dad saves daughter movie. I liked it, didn't like the ending. Little violent.

9. Public Enemies
I love myself some Johnny Depp. He does great in this old time movie about John Dillinger.

10. Pirates of the Caribbean
Aidan put this on this morning. The reason he chose this...because his mom loves herself some Johnny Depp.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009


21. Burn the candles, use the nice dishes, wear the fancy lingerie.
Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

This was on a list I was emailed the other day. You can see it was #21. It was a really good list. I saved a few of them as a reminder.

This one is so super true, right? I have a friend who won't wear her favorite perfume unless it is a special occasion. I have a beautiful dress with the tags still on waiting for something special to be worn.

This does seem a little silly. None of us know how many days we have left on this beautiful earth. What if I never get to wear the dress? What if the perfume just sits in a bottle forever? A lot of good it does there. I think we should embrace number twenty one and use it as our new life motto. Today is special. The sun came up, we get to be with the ones we love and make memories. Treat today like the special day it is. Even better, make it special. Do something you love. Make someone smile. Use the good dishes even if you are having grilled cheese. Wear your favorite perfume if only you can smell it.

What will you do to make it special?

Monday, July 20, 2009

Not Me Monday

I did not watch the finale of Grey's Anatomy that I have on dvr for the third time and cry once again.

I did not convinve my husband that the seventh day is a day of rest and instead of finishing his yard work he should take a Sunday afternoon nap with me and his precious daughter.

I did not take a two week vacation from my job that I definitely should not have taken. I think maybe that is the good and the bad thing about working for yourself. Oopsy.

I did not practically sit in my husbands lap at the movie theatre on our Friday night double date because the lady that sat down beside me had garlic seeping from her pores.

I did not have to get wood pieces out of my daughters mouth after she was chewing on the restaraunt table without me noticing. Apparently sometimes teethers just aren't as tasty.

Sunday, July 19, 2009

No Milk, No Cookies, Nothing

My dad was looking for some cookies the other day in their kitchen. There were none. So he did what any normal person would do, he walked over to the screen door where his faithful dog lay and said to him, "I bet this is what hell is like."

When he told me the story we laughed and I told him it was just one more reason not to go to cookies. Dad thought that would be a great weekly blog. Reasons to not go to hell, you know, like no cookies, no ice cold sweet tea, and its wicked hot.

I actually thought about it too...I could come up with a lot of reasons. It could be humorous. Or enlightening. Or some sort of weird tribute to my dad.

Friday, July 17, 2009

I'm Not A Vampire

Here is a friendly suggestion.

If you are going to consume large amounts of garlic at dinner don't then go straight to the movies. And if you must, please don't ever sit by me again.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

10 Things Thursday Photo Edition

10 of the many many pink things in my pink & green kitchen

Antique teapot I use to water my plants and a gift my mom brought me to the hospital when I had my son.

Brownie maker, cake maker, fruit dip maker...memory maker

Antique mixing bowl found at the fruit stand/antique barn on a road trip to Seattle

Wedding gift and breast cancer Longarberger basket with goodies

Small colander found at the farmers market 10+ years ago that is used every day and a pic of me and my girls from a wedding a few years back

Paper flowers made by my sweet amazing husband for our first anniversary (first anniversary traditional gift is paper)

Mothers Day gift made by my son, it also has a pic of his adorable face and a pink flower he chose for me in all pink bc "it's your favorite color"

Yes, the bottle is empty and yes, it was delicious

An antique creamer from Grandma Mary full of sugar and some fresh beans for a morning wake up (not for me, for the man of the house)

Peony teacup I got in Oregon on a road trip with my besty, letter for our family and a card found in Sandpoint that I had to have

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Random Ramblings

My parents are taking my son and my two nephews to the Oregon Coast. I want to go so bad I can barely stand it. Camping, flying kites, reading, pictures, watching my son enjoy it all...sounds absolutely wonderful.

Speaking of my son...he is off to five days with his dad. I loathe this. It is too long without seeing his sweet face. I try to work and stay busy while he is away so I don't worry so much. Oh and I also pray like a crazy person.

Went to a theatre the other day where you can put your own butter and salt on the popcorn. Pure genius!

Started reading again the other day. I haven't read for probably the last two years. Unless children books, cookbooks, or what to expect(when you're pregnant & the first year) books count. It was a gift from my besty and after reading the cover I wasn't too excited. She knows me very well...the book is amazing. I forgot how much I love to read. good to be back.

I cannot, do not, will not watch scary movies. I don't like going to the movie store and seeing the covers of the rentals. They keep getting more and more gruesome. I don't like the previews on the tv, which also seem to be pushing the envelope. I don't like any of it at all. I think there is enough scary stuff in the real world that we don't need them. Plus, aren't they giving the bad guys ideas. Ugh.

We have grapevines in our backyard. Last year we only had one bunch of grapes but this year there are a million. Was thinking of making wine. Our own backyard brew but would like the kids to be able to share in the love. So I decided to make grape jam. Doesn't that sound delicious.

My six month old daughter just started giving loves. She will lay her head on my shoulder or my chest and give a baby hug. It may be my new favorite thing.

Monday, July 13, 2009

Not Me Monday

I did not, after cleaning both my kids rooms, find that they have more clothes than they could wear in a month. I did not make a decision then and there to adopt the "one in one out" rule. If one new thing comes in the must go out.

I did not babysit my two nephews and my niece and decide that I could totally have five children of my own. I then did not proceed for the next two days to try to convince my sweet, child loving husband into the plan. I did not point out the family yesterday at lunch that had five adorable kiddos who were all well behaved. I did not bat my eyelashes and use my feminine wiles and I won't continue to do that until I get three more babies.

I did not break down and cry at my son's first baseball game from pure exhaustion and a horrific run in with his dad. I do not cry in front of strangers and especially when I am the coach's wife and am trying to make a good impression.

I am the biggest birthday fan in the world so I did not miss my daughters half birthday. I did not have a blog planned out for that very day for the last two months.

I did not go into a local dive bar and did not clean out my purse of cash and coins to take part in the best jukebox battle this little town has ever seen. I also did not play nicey nice when all I really wanted was to strangle the bleach blond, bad roots bartender who was too busy playing Pantera to bring us another round. Oh, and it was not my sweet friend who won the battle with a little Jeff Buckley and some sweet dance moves.

Sunday, July 12, 2009


What is your first childhood memory? I remember my dad and I walking downtown at dark looking for night crawlers. I remember crawling over insulation in an upstairs, unfinished room in our house to get to the front window. And chasing my mom to the bus stop when she left for work. I remember having water fights with my sister which, for the record, were completely unfair since she is six years older than me and she always got the water hose and I got a honey bear full of water. I know, right? Well, come to think of it those all took place down in our Front Street house and I must have been about five.

Last week when Raine (my besty) was here she was asking Aidan questions about her old apartment. When I got divorced she and I lived in the same complex, she had a grass back patio and I had a balcony. Aidan spent many days over at her apartment rolling around in the grass and playing in the sprinklers. We were telling him stories about it and he really had no memory of it at all, other than her pig with wings who was named Chauncey. He would have been three at the time so maybe it isn't such a shock. We laughed as we told him stories about what he said, like the time Raine told him he was so literal and he turned around and told her she was sooooo big (he thought she said little). And stories about what he did, like the time the sprinklers were on and he sat on them and then drank out of them and we all laughed for hours.

I have been thinking about that conversation for more than a week. I have always wondered if Aidan will remember anything before the divorce or during the divorce. But, if Aidan doesn't remember any of those stories, chances are he doesn't remember much else before that time. And that is a good thing, for me and for him. That means he doesn't remember the turmoil. The fighting, the yelling, the crying and the sadness. God spared him and for that I am thankful. So very thankful.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

10 Things Thursday

10 Things I Call My Bebes

1. Bubba
2. Babycakes
3. Doodle Bug
4. Sweet Prince
5. Aid Brigade
6. Sugar/Sug Knight
7. Frankie Blue Eyes
8. Lova Love
9. PT
10. Ada (usually when he is staring at himself in the mirror)

1. Abs
2. Abbilicious
3. Baby Love
4. Princess
5. Pretty Girl
6. Bug
7. Boo
8. Zaboo
9. Sweet Sweet
10. Ada (usually when she is being overly dramatic)

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Middle Road

Do you ever get so incredibly tired of taking the high road? Sometimes, I just want to jump down on the low road and take a stroll. Just a leisurely, Starbucks in hand walk. Of course that does make getting back on the high road a little more tough. But, sometimes it is so difficult on the high road I think it is not really the place for me. It is the place for my mom. She is a saint, definitely a high roader. But, I'm not so much like my mom...wish I was but, I'm not. Maybe I'm just a low road kind of girl. It would be so much easier to not bite my tongue and say what I am really thinking. It would be so much easier to burn a hole with my eyes than smile.
Is there a middle road? Maybe that is where I can walk. That way I can jump up or down when I feel the need. I'm not sure this is an option. I may try it out though. See the sights.

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Random Ramblings

I sleep with one leg out of the covers. Unless I wake up scared from a bad dream (yes I still have them) and then all of my body is immediately covered up so that the dream cannot get me in real life. Always done this, always will.

Had to shave my son's head yesterday as he had been with his dad for five days and was given a mohawk. Ugh. Is it possible that the shaved head makes him not only look older but taller?

My two year anniversary is in 21 days. Two years is cotton. I have the best idea EVER. It is my husbands year to plan the actual date. Should I remind him that last year (my year to plan) we went to dinner, stayed at the Davenport and walked around downtown with Starbucks in the morning? You know, just to make sure this year is comparable.

I don't drink coffee but I have to have hot chocolate every morning. Even when I'm on a diet I immediately take off 100 calories for hot chocolate and 100 calories for dessert. I'm a planner, what can I say.

My best friend is on her way to Disneyland right now. Man, I could use a day at the happiest place on earth right about now.

Seeing my daughter smile and giggle at her brother is one of my all time favorite things. God has blessed me with the two sweetest bebes and I am so thankful.

Speaking of God I am totally going to ask him help me understand flys. They are gross and annoying and I just see no point for them. In the next breath I will praise him for lightning bugs and huckleberries. Yes, huckleberries are totally unrelated to insects but dang they are good.

Met a 90 year old man yesterday. He was a Navy Seal from World War II. He was telling stories and on his way out commented on my daughter and how "God's greatest creation was girls...and he created some pretty incredible things so that is saying a lot." I totally agree with him. Girls rock!

Think I have decided to read the Twilight series as I am the only girl I know that has not read them. They are supposed to be very well written and have made a grown woman put her hand over her heart and smile about the sweet teenage love. Fine, I give up. I'll read the silly vampire books.

Monday, July 6, 2009


Well, my absence has been questioned by a few. The quick explanation is that I have been drained. Physically and emotionally drained. I am struggling with a few things and it has taken its toll. It has been a long couple of weeks but, I can see the sun now through the clouds.

I truly believe that which does not kill us makes us stronger. And let me tell you...I'm getting unbelievably strong. I have had difficult times in my life but it is what made me who I am. Sometimes I have wished that I could have avoided the pain and the storms. But the other day I realized that where I am now, who I am now are all because of those things. I am stronger. I am changed. I am me.

I am me but I'm not finished. I have a lot more to change and to grow. I have some more strength to gain. Not that I don't think I'm strong enough but I know that there will be more storms, but after the storms there is a rainbow and the sun and I am just a little bit stronger. And it makes the next storm a little bit easier to face.

Thanks for checking on me and caring about me. I believe the hiatus is over and you may just get some really good reading very soon.