I think I have a disease. And I'm pretty sure it's at the advanced stages. It causes me to have a stomach ache. It puts enormous amount of stress on me. It makes me crazy and crazy Ada is not a good Ada.
It's called caretoomuchwhatothersthinkaritis.
I care waaaaaay to much what people think. What my family thinks. What my friends think. What strangers think. I know...some people don't understand this. Why would I care what strangers think? It doesn't matter, they don't even know me. I can't explain it to you...it just does. And my family and friends love me already so that doesn't make sense. Yet, it is a constant in my world. Crazy.
You know how I've mentioned that I'm a judgey judgerton. I think that is part of the reason. I am a people watcher and sometimes I judge them. So I assume that everyone else is doing the same thing to me. I assume I am being watched and judged all the time. Crazy.
This morning I made a comment on a blog and there was a comment made after mine by another reader that referenced mine. I have been sick all day about it. Seriously. Crazy, right? I don't know if I should say something and try to defend myself (with humor of course because I HATE confrontation). Or if I should let it go. Most people wouldn't have had a second thought about it. Again, crazy.
There have been many things I haven't done because I was scared of what someone might think or say. I freak out if my son says something he shouldn't because what if someone hears him and thinks I am a bad mom. I don't like my daughter to have a messy face because then it looks like I have a rug rat child and I don't care enough to wipe her face. I don't like the pine needles in my driveway because I don't want someone to drive by and think it is trashy. I freak out at church about people looking at the back of my hair. I have to have my toenails painted to even leave the house. I also have to look good because what if I run into someone. And not even someone I know. But the lady at the grocery store. I would prefer if she thought the best of me and my children. It's sick, I know. Sick and also crazy.
There is a website, of course. It is the Experience Project and they have an anonymous group I could join. They also have a group called "I remember my first kiss" and "I love to read" as well as "I have a dog". I could, in fact, join all those groups. (I found the website when I googled my disease to make sure it didn't have a real name when I gave it the name of caretoomuchwhatothersthinkaritis)
Is there a cure for this that I am unaware of? Do you know of a magic pill I can get my hands on? I would love to go to Target and not think the whole world is watching.
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I think I might have a little case of this same sickness. It stinks. My mom used to say: "You wouldn't care so much what people thought about you if you knew how seldom they actually do."
ReplyDeleteOuch Mom--that's almost worse! It could spawn a whole new disease...
i have to agree with katrina, people are not nearly as concerned about how you look as your are so chill. i know what you mean i just dont take it the same extreme however i have a whole other breed of crazy inside me so i'm certainly not judging. do u look at driveways covered in pine needles and think the home owners are trashy? do you think unpainted toe nails are a sign of some negative trait? if so that is what you should work on first.
ReplyDeleteAda.... relax and don't sweat the small stuff.
ReplyDeleteGod thinks you are pretty darned near perfect with out any window dressing and He certainly would not want you to waste your time on trivial stuff. You are wonderfully made and no one is judging you.. people are either too worried about what you think of them or they couldn't really care any less. In either case you are just great with out the fuss and fret.
I wish I knew what to say but, I don't so I'll be honest and just say I hope the best for you in your quest.
ReplyDeleteAdvice is a terrible thing to not keep to ones self anyway.
You shop at Target? :)
ReplyDeleteYou are not alone. Mine has gotten better with age. I realized I had a problem a few years ago when I was screaming at the boys because I was so stressed out about what someone was going to think about me. All of a sudden, I thought about how the only thing that matters, the only thing, is what God thinks. And at that moment, he wasn't happy with me. But when he is happy with me, chances are everyone else that matters is too. Remembering that is easier said than done, I know. Just know that I love you always... unpainted toenails and all.
ReplyDeleteKatrina: I've heard that. Sometimes I tell myself that to feel better.
ReplyDeleteKT: No on the driveways and yes on the toenails...I mean come on PAINT THEM!
Dor: I heart you!
Chupa: Well, thanks.
Anon: Who doesn't, right? I mean they have Starbucks inside, a dollar section, the Shabby Chic line of goodness, Gilligan O'Malley pj's which are close to the best. Although I do have the softest pink robe from Nordy's that is the BEST!
Jen: Good point and even better point w/the "easier said than done". And you know my toenails are always painted...except for that one time... :)