Not Me Monday

I did not freak out the lady who was taking my blood this afternoon by moving my arm (not the arm she had a needle jammed into) in some sort of fashion that she assumed I was going to be sick. I really don't like having blood work done but I have never been sick before. When she was done she said to me "I hope you get the results you are hoping for." I did not cry all the way out of the building.



I did not stay up until 3:30am reading a book that was recommended by my besty. She is amazing at books. It is called Hunger Games by Suzann Collins. I am going to start the next one as soon as I get home from dinner. Dinner at my parents. My dad just called and asked if I would come over for dinner and bring the kids to see him. I did not act like it wasn't already on my agenda for the night. Hee hee.



I did not try on a horizontal navy & white striped shirt that was in a bag of clothes from my besty even though I know stripes aren't the most flattering thing. I did not fall immediately in love with it and actually think it made me look thin.

Ramblies Ramblies

My dining room table is covered in crafties. Paint bottles & paint brushes, wooden frames, wooden ornaments, books, glitter, flowers, buttons, ribbon and numerous other things I can't see from here. I have been busy trying to get some things done while I have a 10 month old tugging on my leg and a six year old that wants to try his hand at everything I'm doing. Good times.

Tonight I'm going to a craft night with my sister at her church where I might just get some stuff done. Unless, that is I'm distracted by something...like a gorgeous, pale skinned man that sparkles.

Speaking of a sparkling man...I definitely stood in line last night for over two hours to see the midnight showing of New Moon. It was cold and there were some crazy girls and one really cool boy near us, there were stories and screams, a man with burritos for $5 which soon turned to free(which three of us shared during the previews). The movie was incredible and I giggled more than once at the young girls around us who were audibly in love with Jacob and Edward both. Love myself a vampire.

I also love myself a good thrift store. I am addicted to them. I love to find something that I can turn into something else. I love finding something that needs a little white paint and will belong in our home. I love the sticker that says $1. Ooooh, boy. I love finding old material that I have big plans for. I love a bag of buttons for cheap cheap cheap. I have found some really good treasures in the last few weeks. I will post some photos of some goodies that I am absolutely in love with. Something to look forward to.

Also looking forward to my birthday which is in one month from tomorrow. That's right the countdown has begun. I will apologize now for the reminders which you will most certainly be sick of by December 21. I can't help it...

10 Things Thursday

10 things that have made me smile in the last week

1. making pirate sugar cookies with my kids even if they looked nothing like pirate anythings
2. family dinner with the people who love me the most, always have, always will
3. finding $100 worth of my old craft goodies at my parents
4. my son's parent teacher conference where the teacher told me she wishes she had 24 of him
5. our first week of home group that made me proud of my husband and my kids (for different reasons) and a feeling of belonging for myself
6. making a little bit of money for my family without having to go back to banking
7. a dozen different naps with my sweet baby girl, I love naps and I love her...double whammy of wonderful
8. text messages from my girlfriends just to check on me, make me smile or just tell me that they love me
9. having a husband that happily took care of everything while I watched girl movies and cried
10. believing in God and knowing He loves me

My Own Medicine

This hopefully will be my cure.

Don't worry, I won't have too many.

And, yes I know this isn't a healthy way to cope.

But, it is a delicious way.

Maybe I will stop crying.

Maybe I won't feel so empty inside.

Literally empty.

My head hurts.

My stomach hurts.

My freshly broken heart hurts the most of all.

10 Things Thursday

10 things I can unfortunately do today that I could not do yesterday

1. Have a cocktail
2. Relax in my hot tub
3. Go tanning
4. Eat soft cheese & seafood
5. Paint my laundry room
6. Get back on my running schedule
7. Take medicine
8. Go to the hot springs for my birthday
9. Drink coca cola
10. Stop taking my prenatal vitamins


I wish I could have posted the 10 Things Thursday I wrote last night. It was much more fun to write.

I will save it and post it someday. Hopefully soon.

Dream Girls

Last night I had a dream that my dad called me in the morning and wanted me to get tickets to a concert that night. It was Sarah McLachlan, Nora Jones, Tori Amos, Ingrid Michealson and a few other lovely ladies that I can't remember. I do know this...my dad would never go to this concert. I also know that minus Tori Amos those ladies are among my favorites. It was like my own personal Lilith Fair. I remember looking online for the tickets and there were four seats left at the top row on both ends and they were only $34. Two tickets for me and a girlfriend and two tickets for my parents. I called to get the tickets and this is what I hear..."Hey Ada, it's Chad what can I do for you?" They must have some sort of ultimate caller id. I told him I needed tickets for the show...at least two. Apparently I was going to talk my dad out of it. Those tickets were most definitely for me. He was processing the tickets when we got disconnected. For some reason I didn't know we were disconnected so I was just waiting patiently for him to give me a total. When I realized Chad was not on the other end of the line I panicked and called him back. "Hey Ada, it's Chad. What can I do for you?" Um, friendly little Chad we got disconnected and I NEED those tickets. He had to look again because the tickets he had for me were now gone. While he was looking we got disconnected again. Are you kidding me? I was beside myself. I had to call him back. "Hey Ada, it's Chad. What can I do for you?" Well, for starters you can call me back using your crazy caller id when we get disconnected. And, then you can GET ME SOME TICKETS. Oh and I was standing in some mall. And my dad showed up and I was trying to talk him out of going to the concert. He was telling me that the guys he works with wanted to go too so could I get as many tickets as I could. (My dad is a mechanic and I was in his shop yesterday and I can pretty much guarantee the guys in there do not know who Sarah McLachlan is.) Chad was still looking for my tickets when I woke up. And I woke up mad. Mad that I was not going to spend the night with some fabulous, beautiful ladies with voices like angels. Ugh.

Not Me Monday

Normally you can check out tons of other things that did not happen at the mother of Not Me Monday. But, she is still in the hospital with her dear Stellan. Please pray for him and his family.



I have paid for my daughter to have her picture taken at three months, six months, nine months and twelve months for a framed picture with her name on it. I did not have her nine month picture taken when she was actually ten months old. I also was not late for the picture appointment because I was taking my own pictures of her in all her cuteness all over our house.

Nutrition is super important to me so I did not realize on Sunday at 5:30pm that I had only consumed...caramel apple cider, pepper jack cheese with wheat thins and poppers and sweet tea all day. I promise that my daughter ate better than I did.

I am not obsessed with the idea of homemade Christmas gifts. I have not made friends with the ladies at the local thrift stores buying so much furniture to refinish and pillowcases to make into little girls dresses. I do not have so many ideas running through my head that I can't choose what to do for whom. I do not have any plan whatsoever to make two of every thing I make, so I can keep one for myself. Hee hee.

I did not miss my son so much while he was at his dad's for the last five days, that after his dentist appointment this morning let him spend the day at home in my lap and by my side. This really isn't like me so I did not feel super guilty about it but decide that some days a mama just needs her baby and her baby needs her.

Loss

I read one of my fave blogs the other day. It was Pregnancy & Infant Loss Remembrance Day. There were hundreds of women commenting on their own losses. Remembering and praying and sending words of encouragement. It is more common than a person would think. In fact, I was having breakfast with three girlfriends and out of the four of us, three of us had lost a baby. Startling, right.

I was watching an old video from 2004 with my son the other day. He was one and a half so we were watching him dance and sing and say "I yuy you". I forgot how little he was and how dang cute. I smiled for days just hearing that little voice.

One of my birthday parties was also on the video. We watched a little bit and I started opening presents. One was a cosmopolitan set with pink sugar for the rim of the glasses. I smiled (as a cosmo is my fave drink) and said to the camera..."Mmmm, for next year." And then without thinking I said aloud "Oh, that's right, I was pregnant." My son heard me and looked at me funny. He had just seen himself on the video, so he was confused. Dang! Big mouth mama. I tried to explain to him that I was pregnant but, the baby wasn't healthy in my belly and so it didn't make it. He was confused and concerned and then he said to me "You mean we would have another baby right now?" Yes. Well, not so much a baby but a four year old. A four year old. Wow.

It was a difficult moment for a few reasons. One that I had to explain the miscarriage to my six year old son. Then I realized I would have a four year old right now. We would be getting ready for kindergarten next year and my family pictures would have one more little person in them.

It was difficult for a lot of personal reasons at the time. It was hard on my family and I had complications. I remember laying on the couch of my best friend late one night. I remember burning up and she kept taking my temperature and she finally told me if she didn't get my temperature to go down she was taking me to the emergency room. It was a long, hard time in my life.

It was difficult for those around me as well. If you haven't been through this before it is shocking and it is painful. Sometimes you don't know what to say. I would tell you this. Just say you are sorry. Just hug them. Please don't say "at least you have a baby already". I know I already have a baby, but I wanted this one all the same. Please don't say "You'll have more babies". Maybe I will or maybe I won't but that does not discount the fact that this was a baby, my baby. Please don't say nothing at all. It's like it never happened and that is unfair to me and my baby that I won't be having.

I know things happen for a reason. God has a plan for me and my babies. I know that something was not right and that is why that baby did not make it. Knowing that makes it a little easier. I'm not saying I didn't blame myself. I did. It's normal. But, I know now that anything I did or didn't do was not the cause.

Do I get scared still? Yes. I remember last year when I found out I was pregnant with my daughter I would pray everyday that everything would be ok. I was scared every morning that something would happen that day. She, of course, was fine and is now 10 months old and stubborn like her mama.

So, I just read over this and it is a mess. Sorry. Been writing this for a few weeks. I would write some, cry a little and stop writing. Thought maybe I wouldn't post it. Thought maybe that was my way of keeping it to myself for the next four years. Don't think I have ever said any of this out loud. Feels a little scary and honest at the same time. So, I will and please just know that I know it sounds a little bit crazy. But, I'm a little bit crazy so that makes perfect sense.

Found the decorations

I decorated the house the other day for Thanksgiving. Beginning of November change of scenery.


The kitchen table pumpkin and scarecrow love.


The buffet in the dining room. Soon to be apple pie. Not the buffet, of course, just the apples on the buffet.



The dining room table with a pinecone turkey.


The front door deco. The pumpkins that were out front froze and didn't looks so super.

Stuck

I cannot for the life of me get a little ditty by Miss Taylor Swift out of my head. I've tried. I am not a big fan of hers. I became a little bit more of a fan when she was accosted by Kanye West and handled it with such grace. Very impressive for a young lady. I heard the song at a party I did today and the whole time I was working in the back of my head was her little curly haired face singing her little Romeo & Juliet song. After I got home, kissed my bebe, made dinner and made dessert* there was a commercial for something on in the background with her singing that song. Nooooo...now it will be in my head until tomorrow morning until hopefully one of the songs at church gets stuck in my head instead.

So for now, I leave you with this...

Marry me Juliet
You'll never have to be alone
I love you and that's all I really know
I talked to your dad go pick out a white dress
It's a love story, baby just say yes


* I should, for honesty sake, point out that dinner was take and bake pizzas and dessert was chocolate chip cookies made with dough I bought at the pizza place. It wasn't like I slaved away all night.


And again...

Romeo take me somewhere we can be alone
I'll be waiting all there is left to do is run
You'll be the Prince and I'll be the Princess
It's a love story, baby just say yes